You see, I was baptized as a child in the Lutheran church and because of the fact that I was a child it was not a decision I made. Then when I was in middle school I was baptized at the local Baptist church because I had begun to participate in the youth group activities but once again there was not a heart change and Jesus had not come into my heart and made me new.
Right before college I accepted Christ and nothing about my life stayed the same. Jesus had taken over my heart and my life and pulled me out of ruin and placed me in his perfect path. That was in 2001 and it is now 2010. So all this time I have struggled with the act of baptism and if it was necessary for me to take the plunge once again. Many conversations have left my heart torn, rather my flesh and the holy spirit was torn as it always is. I was more concerned about how this might appear to others who do or do not know me than I was concerned with God's voice speaking to me and telling me to do this. I do this often. So here I am nine years later finally obeying my heavenly father and it feels so good. I am nervous, I am excited, I am emotional, I am overflowing with a grateful heart, and I am blessed to be a child of God.
I shared my nervousness with our home team last night and they understood my fears and then followed it with..."well we actually wanted to record you sharing your testimony to play it on the big screen before you walk in to be baptized." oh really....you think they were kidding right??? well nope they were not...my armpits are seeping just typing this. My first thought is...well I have shared my testimony before in front of the BSM and it didn't go the way I had planned(my plans often look very different from the Lords plans). Then I thought well I am going to be nervous as heck doing it in front of the video camera and then watching/listening to it again in front of the church but if God can use me in this way then I will honor this request.
Now I am wondering what to say and how to say it and everything in-between. I would type those thoughts out but they have not yet come to me. Right now I am praying for the Lord to give me peace and transparency as I attempt to bring honor and glory to his name.
He has truly set me free and given me new life and for that I will sing his praises.
"Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, before you were born I set you apart; I appointed you as a prophet to the nations." Jeremiah 1:5
I am overwhelmed with emotion as I look at the innocence of myself as a child. With everything horrific that was already taking place in my life my only desire was to be wanted and loved unconditionally. Being adopted into the Kingdom was his plan all along. There was much pain along the way and many reasons unknown but it led me to the need that only may Savior can bring, the need of salvation and the gift of eternal life. Now my life has hope.
God knew the heart of this child.